


Build a Wall Around Me

by notevenyou



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Death, Gun Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 06:27:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7157333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notevenyou/pseuds/notevenyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron Burr can sometimes predict the future, but what he can never predict is Alexander Hamilton.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Build a Wall Around Me

The first time that Aaron realizes that he can see the future, he is only seven. He’s had the headaches and visions before, but this time he realizes it’s something different from a dream or from his imagination. The vision isn’t anything particularly notable, he sees his mother in the vision, she’s tired and instead of cooking she puts the thawed chicken back in the fridge and orders a pizza. They never have pizza unless it’s the weekend, so when the daydream happens exactly like he’d seen it, Aaron remembers. 

The headaches and their attendant visions only happen sometimes, maybe once a month, but now that Aaron is paying attention he realizes that the pictures always happen. He isn’t sure what the point of them is, most of the time it’s useless stuff, unexpected pizza nights, fights with his sister, and having to sit through a math class he’s already seen once. For a while he thinks maybe it’s a sort of superpower, but the visions are only about people he knows well, not warnings of dire events around town like it would have been in a movie or a comic. 

Worse yet, the visions are always preceded by hours of sickly headaches. His parents had taken him to the doctor, but all the doctor could say was that he didn’t have anything detectable wrong with him, and that likely it was migraines. Strange, in someone so young, but not unheard of. After Aaron’s figured out what is happening he tries to explain to his parents the visions, but they only think he’s being imaginative. He can’t convince them, and since it isn’t like he can do it on command, or ever sees anything that would provide real evidence, he finally gives up. Sally says she believes him, but Aaron isn’t sure if she really means it or not. 

Most of the visions are innocuous so it takes Aaron another two years to figure out that he can  _ change _ things. On that day, the headache is particularly vicious, he’s spent as much as possible of the day with his head down on his desk, avoiding the bright lights of the classroom. When he gets home, he goes straight to his bedroom, closing the blinds and burying his head under his pillows. When the vision hits an hour later the pain clears out, just like always, but instead of relaxing like he usually does, he’s scared. 

In this vision Ms. Green, one of the teachers that watches over recess, gets hit by a car. She’s running after a ball that one of the kids (Georgie, that jerk) has thrown into the street, and a car coming too fast slams into her and keeps going. Aaron can see her laying in the street, blood pooling under her, one of her hands moving, but without any seeming purpose. He isn’t sure if there was anything to do, but if he can help Ms. Green he will. 

He spends the next recess following Ms. Green around, but nothing happens. That’s okay, sometimes his visions happen right away, and sometimes not for a week or more. The next day he sticks with her again, and this time it happens. When Georgie throws the ball into the street, Ms. Green starts to turn, but Aaron catches her hand and says clearly, “There’s a car.”

She looks, and sure enough the same car from the vision speeds past. This time it doesn't hit Ms. Green, but instead of going straight on like it had in Aaron’s vision, it swerves and hits a tree with a loud crash. All the students turn towards the noise, and some run to see what had happened, while others turn away, not wanting to know. Aaron didn’t run towards it, but he watches until the teachers shepherd them back into the school, confused as to why the man had crashed.

He talks it over with Sally later, but she doesn’t know either. After that Aaron experiments, testing what he can and cannot change. Whenever a vision is something he could change, even if it is a little thing, he tries. What he finds is that he  _ can _ change things, but the universe doesn’t seem to like it. If he stops a cup from breaking, then a plate will shatter. If he prevents Sally from falling off her bike, he falls from his. The universe seems to have a plan, and it wants to stick to that plan as closely as possible. Apparently, in saving Ms. Green, he’d inadvertently gotten the driver of the car hurt. 

Aaron supposes on some level nothing had really changed in the end, one person got hurt, it was just a different person. For Aaron though, it was worth it to save Ms. Green. Ms. Green, who is always kind, and knows just how to answer questions when a student doesn’t understand a lesson. He thinks that if he has the choice again, to save someone he likes at the expense of a stranger, he would probably do it, although he worries about if that is right, trying to figure out what a superhero would do. In the end he isn’t sure, but he is sure that Ms. Green doesn’t deserve to get hurt. 

After the Ms. Green incident, Aaron starts paying close attention to his visions. When they end he writes down exactly what he sees, in as much detail as he can remember. Just knowing what people are wearing is a lot of help in pinpointing the right day if he wants to try a change. Although, after his experimentation he mostly doesn’t try to change things. Usually there isn’t anything worth changing, especially given the potential side effects, so instead he learns some lessons twice as well as everyone else in his class, knows when his mom is going to get promoted for a whole week before she does, and knew when Sally would have her first kiss.

#

It’s when he’s twelve that he sees his parents die in a car crash. When the vision ends, he writes down everything he saw in as much detail as possible. His hands shake, but he notes exactly what outfit his mother was wearing, the stain on the sleeve of his father’s shirt, the exact shade of the sky through the car windows as his mother took one last shuddering breath, and then stopped. 

Stopping a death probably means condemning someone else to death, but Aaron is going to do it. There’s no doubt in his mind. He waffles on telling Sally, he doesn’t want her to feel responsible if someone else does die, but she’s three years older, he might need her help. In the end he does tell her, and although she looks ill she agrees that they have to stop it. 

It’s four long days before his parents wear the right outfits. After dinner (where his father spills tomato sauce on his sleeve), they are supposed to go to a parent teacher conference at Aaron’s school, but Aaron and Sally manage to convince them that Aaron is too sick to be left alone. He fakes a headache, and doesn’t need to fake tears at the thought of them leaving. It looks for a minute like his father might stay home, while his mother goes to the conference, but Aaron and Sally had agreed they couldn’t risk it, so Sally unleashes plan B, which is for her to confess to smoking pot. Plan C, is for Aaron to tell the truth, but they both think that this plan will end with Aaron in therapy for the foreseeable future. Worth it if it works, but probably not even as convincing as their lies.

In the end they don’t have to go to plan C. It’s a stressful night, but when the sun is all the way set, much past the moment where the last streams of light had played off the broken glass in Aaron’s vision, they all go to bed. The next day is a new day, and Aaron reads the morning paper anxiously for news of a car crash, but if there had been one it hadn’t been reported.

He and Sally don’t relax right away, but it seems like they’ve fixed it, and as one, two, three more days pass without incident Aaron is ready to declare it a success. That Saturday his parents go to the theater. They give Aaron and Sally goodbye hugs, the nice perfume that Mother only wears for special occasions lingering behind them as they leave. Aaron and Sally never see them again, the police officers that come to the door say they never even made it to the theater before the car hit them, the driver of the other car distracted by their phone. 

#

For a while after that things are a blur for Aaron. He and Sally end up with his uncle, a very religious man, and through the blur Aaron remembers Sally holding Aaron’s hand tightly and warning him not to say anything to his uncle about the visions. It becomes clear within a month of the church services that they now have to attend, that she was right. The preacher keeps circling back to those with unnatural talents, and how these abilities are a sign of the devil. His parents never believed in stuff like that, but Aaron can’t help but wonder a little if there’s something to it. After all his parents died, and he couldn’t save them. 

Uncle Timothy and his wife try to be kind, but their rules are strict and life is so different from before. Aaron doesn’t make friends with his classmates, and even Sally starts to drift away. It makes her flinch if he mentions the visions, and so he doesn’t. He feels alone, but he notices that with less friends and less family the visions are less too. He only ever sees things connected to those around him, and if he isn’t connected to many people it makes sense that the visions are reduced. He still writes down the visions, but he doesn’t try to change anything. He can’t see the point, the universe knows what it wants. 

Sally gets married straight out of high school. Their uncle and aunt don’t seem to find it strange that she would marry so early, they say it’s a good Christian choice to start a family as soon as possible. Aaron worries about her, but she moves away and doesn’t keep in touch, and eventually the visions of her slightly unhappy life stop coming. It’s as if he never had a sister. Part of him always wants to call her, to visit her, but a larger part can’t forget how she always looked pained at the sight of him, after their parents death, after he couldn’t save them. It’s clear that she doesn’t want him in her life, and Aaron can’t really blame her.

#

When Aaron goes to college, he thinks maybe he could start over. He tries to make friends, although he seems to have lost the knack of it, and he even dates. All the people, the friends, the classmates he starts to get to know, the randomly assigned roommate, and the other people on his hall, they all mean more connections, more visions. He tries to ignore them. Some he can’t quite manage to though, like when he sees his roommate end up at the ER for alcohol poisoning. Aaron follows him around all that night, talking him out of the last couple of drinks, just enough that the hangover is bad, but not hospital bad. The universe seems to let Aaron have that one, although maybe some other college student ends up at the hospital who wouldn’t otherwise be there. His roommate doesn’t seem to really appreciate it. 

The visions end both serious relationships he has in college. First Jon, who was sweet and a good time until Aaron has a vision of him declaring his love for Aaron, while vision Aaron looks horrified and stumbles through an awkward response. Aaron can’t handle living through that twice, and breaks the whole thing off with a text message. Cruel, but Aaron has already seen Jon’s face fall once when he realized that Aaron didn’t love him, Aaron doesn't need to see it again. The second relationship is a year later, Theodosia seems perfect until a vision reveals that she’s been cheating on Aaron. One more text breakup later Aaron has decided to take a break from dating. 

In fact, the whole starting over seems to have been a bit of a failure. The visions kept interfering, making him act strangely around people, making him aware of things that people would probably want to keep private. By the end of his senior year Aaron has perfected a sort of smooth interaction style that is friendly, but keeps everyone at a distance. It’s for the best, less headaches. Literally. 

#

After school, Aaron takes a job in admin at a big company. He figures with hundreds of employees, in and out each day, he won’t have time to get to know anyone in particular. It works for about a year, and then relationships start to build up, like sediment in a riverbed. Even just seeing people twice a day, he starts to learn about their lives, their hopes, their personalities, and they start to appear in his visions. When he has to watch one particularly nice woman cry for hours over her father’s death, and then spend the next week wincing every time he sees her smiling face in the morning, knowing what’s coming, he starts to look for another job. Somewhere small, somewhere he can limit this at least.   

He finds a listing for a small news website called  _ The Paper.  _ The mostly do opinion pieces and longer features. The owners, Angelica and Hercules, are just about the only regular employees at this point, the rest freelancers that work from home, but they’ve been doing well and are thinking of expanding, adding a couple more regular employees, and needing someone to handle the administrative work. Aaron impresses them with his smooth friendliness and his knowledge of the work. He doesn’t know anything about payroll, but Angelica grills him about various topics in the interview, related and unrelated and seems satisfied that he’ll pick it up quickly enough with training. 

And that’s it. He gives his two week notice at the old job, and sets up in the front office of the small space they’ve rented. Technically he’s on reception, but not that many people drop by, and the only people he interacts with regularly, aside from Angelica and Hercules, are the tech lady, one or two local freelancers, and their accountant who drops by every now and then. He gets to know most of them well enough that he has the occasional vision, but nothing too sad or awkward, Angelica hanging out with her sisters, or Hercules working longer hours than he wants to admit to keep the company afloat. It’s a nice shift from the constant tide of people at the larger company. 

He settles into a life there, friendly to everyone, but not going out for drinks, and ducking out of office lunches, dinners, and parties as quickly as possible. Hercules seems content to let Aaron slip out of socializing, but Angelica stops by his desk just about every day to talk with him. She quickly slips past his defenses, and he can’t help but feel pleased to chat with her about the latest stories the site is working on, and the news in general. He retreats, when she gets personal, and she doesn’t push. That’s why, when Aaron has a vision of the accountant stealing from them, Aaron spends a few days planning out how he could have figured it out without the mysterious knowledge and takes it to her. She looks grim, but when the dust has settled, charges have been filed, and the money is on the way back, she visits Aaron at his desk. He looks nervously at her serious expression, but she just thanks him. 

After that, he has to admit that they’re friends. She trusts his sense of people, and always asks him about new freelancers. He feels a bit guilty about that, since it’s not like he knows anything in particular about someone he’s just met, but she waves it off when he points out that it’s not like he caught embezzling by being a good judge of character, it was the numbers (or so the story goes), “But you’re smart, that’s why you caught it, so let me know what you think.”

Aaron just nods, a little taken aback. He’s had not time to be  _ smart _ for a long time, too busy being normal, too busy avoiding standing out, or saying something he wasn’t supposed to know. 

Overall, he’s content at  _ The Paper _ . He has Angelica to remind him that he’s not totally alone in the world, and even Hercules has warmed up to him after he saved the company from the embezzling accountant. At the same time, his life is quiet and controlled. Even as a couple of years pass and they add more regular writers, and he starts to interact with as many as ten people regularly, he feels like he has it under control. He goes home to his one bedroom apartment at night, and cooks, or orders take out from a careful rotation so he doesn’t bond with any delivery people. 

He tries not to get to know his neighbors, and mostly succeeds, except for Ms. Zhou next door, who is too old to be rude to. He tells himself she’s only one person, and it’s fine if he talks to her occasionally. He helps her with things around her apartment, and sometimes bakes just to surprise her with her favorite cookies, which they eat together with tea she makes. She chides him for not having more friends, for not dating, and for not going out, but she always seems happy to see him, and he resigns himself to adding one more person to his unintentional watch. 

#

Angelica and Hercules have decided they need another features writer, someone regular to help them expand a little as their audience has grown. They’ve narrowed the applicant pool to four people they’re interviewing. Aaron’s job is to greet the candidates at the door, and, if they’re early, make sure that they’re comfortable in the little, two chair waiting area. Aaron processed all the applications and has some preexisting opinions, which he supplements during these interactions. Alexander is the last interview of the day, but he shows up almost half an hour early, Angelica and Hercules still talking to Charles Lee.

Aaron tries to be particularly nice to Alexander. Not because he liked Alexander’s writing samples best of all the applicants, and not because Alexander is, well, beautiful, all thick hair and big eyes, but because Alexander is clearly nervous. He’s dressed in a cheap suit and he’s trying to look calm and professional, but there’s something slightly sweaty and pinched about his face that gives him away. Aaron smiles his brightest receptionist smile at Alexander, and offers him a glass of water (coffee would clearly be a mistake). The other candidates Aaron had left to stew, but as he hands Alexander the water, Aaron offers some gentle small talk about the weather, about finding the offices, and about some small mix-up with the mail that Aaron is dealing with. Some of the tension eases in Alexander’s face, although he jumps up so fast when Hercules walks out to lead him back that Aaron doesn’t know if he’s done any lasting good. 

Apparently the interview goes well, because Alexander stops to thank Aaron on his way out, and gives Aaron a smile that’s so bright that Aaron feels something twist in his stomach. He thinks he might just look stunned for a moment, but then manages to smile back, a hesitant, unpracticed smile, not like the one he gave the other candidates who bothered to say anything to him on their way out. 

And oh, Angelica has noticed the whole exchange, because as Alexander leaves she steps up to Aaron’s desk with one eyebrow raised, “Do I even have to ask which candidate you liked best?” 

He turns back to the USPS form he’s filling out, “You knew that I liked his application most.” 

She laughs, “I did, but now I know that he’d apparently win your vote for the evening wear portion of the competition as well.” 

He sniffs, “If that’s a new hiring policy, I’m going to have to report you.” 

He’s not looking at her, but her voice somehow carries the impression of eye-rolling, “Okay, well putting aside that you are clearly warm for his form, did you have any other impressions that we should take into consideration as we make our decisions?” 

They briefly discuss the candidates, he doesn’t have much to add except that Lee had seemed a little...unlikely to make the kind of connections you need in interviewing, and she nods business-like, not mentioning Alexander again, before going to discuss it with Hercules. 

#

The next time Aaron meets Alexander it’s when Alexander comes in to fill out his hiring paperwork. Alexander’s wearing the same cheap suit, which Aaron suspects might be his only suit, trying to look as professional as he can, but his professionalism is somewhat obscured by how thrilled he looks to be there. He’s all smiles, which maybe that’s for the best, perhaps repeated exposure will help Aaron deal with that smile, stop his stomach from fluttering every time he sees it. Aaron guides him through form after form, and shows him the desk that will be his, in the big shared room that all the writers use. Alexander is friendly and happy throughout the whole process, and when he leaves at the end of it, he shakes Aaron’s hand and says that he’s excited to be working with Aaron. Aaron tries not to feel that handshake lingering for the rest of the day, but it’s difficult. Most writers don’t think of Aaron as a colleague exactly, and maybe Alexander doesn’t either, but Aaron can’t help but feel warm towards him for the gesture. 

Over time Alexander settles in, he slowly amasses a collection of nicer clothes, revealing himself to be a bit of a clothes horse when the resources are available. He gradually loses the sharp, hungry look he’d had the first few months, regular non-ramen meals, and maybe most of all regular acknowledgement of his talent, smoothing out the edges of his face. His work gains instant recognition, helping the site gather a larger audience and general buzz. Alexander seems as happy for some measure of fame as for his paycheck, and once he’s settled his ambition leads to him clashing occasionally with the other writers, and with Angelica and Hercules over which stories they should be covering. However, they all want  _ The Paper _ to succeed and they usually manage to come to some agreement over what should be covered, without any shouting. Sometimes Angelica and Alexander try to get Aaron to weigh in on their arguments, but Aaron wants no part of that and insists on staying out of it. 

Alexander’s ambitions never stop him from acting politely towards Aaron. In fact, he often runs ideas past Aaron, even when it’s not part of a disagreement with Angelica. Aaron is never really sure if that’s just to talk them out, or if he seriously wants Aaron’s advice or approval. Alexander also tries to make friends with Aaron, declaring him mysterious but intriguing - to Aaron’s face. Aaron sticks firmly to his policy of not spending time with his co-workers outside of the office, but he can’t stop Alexander from dropping by to say hello every morning. Or from saying goodbye to Aaron every evening, even the days that Alexander stays later than Aaron, wandering out to say goodbye as Aaron shuts down his computer and gathers his things. Sometimes their conversations stretch, and Aaron finds himself lingering over his desk half an hour after he should have left, Angelica rolling her eyes at him as she slips out the door with a pointed, “Goodnight.” 

And okay, Alexander flirts with Aaron and Aaron isn’t immune. Alexander is beautiful, talented, and kind to Aaron. But Aaron isn’t going to break his rules for Alexander, he doesn't need to repeat his college mistakes. Not even when, after a year of knowing Alexander, he gets a vision that is just Alexander having sex with some stranger. It’s so invasive, and so pointless because what could the universe be trying to tell him with that one? He’d already figured out that Alexander has sex, thank you very much. Every time he sees Alexander for a week afterward his face feels hot, and he’s short with him, trying to avoid having to look at him and know what he looks like when he’s fucking someone slow and gentle.

Eventually Aaron manages to push it to the back of his mind, back with the less embarrassing vision of Alexander working at night when he should be sleeping, one of him laughing and having a good time with friends, and all the regular dreams and fantasies Aaron hasn’t quite managed to smother about Alexander. Anyway, Aaron just rolls his eyes at Alexander’s more blatant flirting, and ignores the more subtle attempts. It’s bad enough that Alexander’s already on the list of people that Aaron is close to, by whatever supernatural forces decide who’s close enough to warrant a vision. And so time passes, and Alexander is a steady part of Aaron’s life, even if not exactly how either of them would choose in a more perfect world. 

#

Of course the problem with Alexander being a part of Aaron’s life is that Alexander is too observant. Aaron doesn’t need to have someone around who might put together the pieces on the visions. Especially Alexander, who two years into his time at  _ The Paper, _ does a long feature on people with supposed supernatural abilities. Since the internet became pervasive, people have been finding each other online and suddenly special abilities are a topic of debate. First there’s debate over whether or not they exist at all. Most of the claimed abilities are like Aaron’s, mental, and therefore hard to prove. Not to mention that it’s likely that some of the people claiming abilities are frauds or delusional, which clouds the water. Scientists go back and forth arguing whether abilities exist at all. That’s the main focus of Alexander’s article, but there’s a second debate, spearheaded by people like Aaron’s uncle Timothy, who believe that the abilities exist, but also believe that they are the work of the devil, or some other evil force. Alexander’s article covers the story of a man who died during an exorcism, and other crimes against people perceived to have abilities. 

Alexander seems to find the topic fascinating, and he asks Aaron for his opinion on the whole subject. Aaron can’t help but feel the press of Sally’s hand on his, all those years ago, and hear her hiss, “Never let them know, Aaron. They’ll think you’re crazy.” 

Aaron just looks away from Alexander’s bright face, “Sounds like a bunch of frauds to me.” 

Alexander frowns thoughtfully, but his article is very even handed, hampered slightly by how hard it was for him to find people who were willing to talk to the press, most as afraid as Aaron is of mental institutions, violence, and religious condemnation. 

But Alexander is smart, and now he’s done research, so Aaron tries to keep that part of himself as hidden away as possible. He never talks about his parents, and he doesn’t talk about the headaches, not even as migraines which have always been safe enough to admit to, but he doesn’t need Alexander’s sympathy or his insight. 

#

This lasts until a day around a year after Alexander’s abilities article. That day, Aaron has felt the headache building all day. He's trying to stay focused because today is payday and people always have questions on payday, but the pain is rising and the lights are so bright. He smiles through a freelancer’s complaint about his tax deduction, and then Alexander is there. He frowns at Aaron, “Are you okay?” 

Aaron smiles back, all smooth practice, “Of course. What can I do for you?” 

Alexander doesn't look convinced, but asks Aaron a question about direct deposit that Aaron's sure he already knows the answer to. Another day Aaron might have taken advantage of the transparent excuse for a little conversation, but now the building pain is throbbing slowly through his head, up and down like the waves of an inexorably rising tide, and he’s short and to the point. Alexander finally leaves, but even when he does he still seems concerned, maybe because Aaron can't quite stop his hands from shaking. 

Aaron makes it through most of the day, competently if not brilliantly. He manages to eat most of his lunch, because he knows it will only be worse if he's low on fuel, but it sits leaden in his stomach. Around three, Aaron is considering the possibility that he might have to call off early, the headache is still building and it's getting difficult to focus in the too bright lights of the office. His hands are still shaking, and he can feel himself sweating through his shirt. A group of people in the writer’s room laugh loudly at some shared joke, everything's too distant for Aaron to be sure what. He presses his fingernails into his palm, but it's not enough to distract from his head, and finally as another burst of laughter breaks through the office causing a swoop of pain, Aaron retreats to the bathroom. It's not until he's there that he admits to himself that he's not just seeking quiet, and once alone his stomach rebels. For a moment after he's emptied his lunch into the toilet, the pain recedes, but then it rolls back in and Aaron finds himself retching again, even though his stomach is mostly empty. 

When he finally manages to steady his stomach and stumble out of the stall to rinse his mouth, he's startled to find that someone is just standing by the sink. It's Alexander and his mild concern has transformed to open worry, but he doesn't say anything while Aaron rinses out his mouth, just hands him a paper towel to wipe his face off with. Aaron does and then tries to focus on his reflection, straightening his clothes. Alexander finally says, “ You're not fine.”

Aaron grimaces, “I am. I will be. Migraine.”

Alexander's face creases in sympathy, “You should go home.”

Aaron hesitates, but it’s true, he’s not going to be able to focus and if the pain has reached this level the vision is close. There’s no need for him to be here for it, and so he agrees, “I will.”

Alexander only looks more worried, and he says, “Let me drive you.”

Aaron usually takes the train, but the idea of waiting for it in the too hot station, with all its smells and sounds seems unbearable at this moment, and so after a long pause he nods. 

He tells Angelica that he’s going home, and shrugs off both her offer to call a cab, and her knowing smirk when he says that Alexander is driving him. 

Alexander’s car is somehow cleaner than Aaron imagined it would be, only a small flurry of papers in the back seat. Aaron doesn’t really pay much attention once he’s given Alexander the address, instead slumping against the window and closing his eyes against the bright sun of the late afternoon. The drive isn’t that far, and Alexander is too kind to try to make conversation, so it slips by in one undifferentiated moment of pain. When Alexander turns off the car Aaron carefully opens his eyes to find them outside Aaron’s building. He’s turning to say thank you to Alexander when he realizes that Alexander is opening his door, “Let me walk you up, you seem pretty out of it.” 

Aaron stands and looks dubiously at Alexander's car, parked completely illegally with the hazards on, “I’ll be fine.” 

Alexander still looks worried, “It’s no problem.” 

Aaron starts walking, “No, you’ll get a ticket. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thank you.” 

Alexander doesn’t push it, although Aaron can feel Alexander’s eyes following him all the way into the front door.

It’s only five minutes after he’s gotten home, still struggling to get out of his work clothes, when the vision hits. The moment of the vision is always the worst, a pain that would be nearly unbearable if he didn’t know that this was the end, that as soon as the images ended so would the pain. It leaves him gasping, and he rushes to write down the details in the notebook he keeps for them, one of a series, the older ones he keeps locked away in a box at the back of his closet, all the way back to when his handwriting was still childish. It’s a nothing of a vision, just Ms. Zhou having a rare visit with her granddaughter, no danger or anything worth worrying about. However, if Alexander hadn’t given him the ride Aaron definitely would have had it on the train. He always loses track of the outside world when he has a vision, and he suspects it looks like he’s passed out or had some sort of small seizure because the once or twice it’s happened in front of people they’ve always tried to get him to go to a hospital, so he can’t help but feel grateful to have dodged that mess.

The next day he thanks Alexander, who seems relieved that Aaron appears healthy again. Alexander has a series of questions about the migraines, which Aaron answers with care. There’s really not much about the visions that’s different from migraines except for the obvious, but Aaron always carefully keeps up to date on current treatments so that he can discuss this like someone who has really been diagnosed and treated, which isn’t even a lie since his pediatrician had offered that very diagnosis all those years ago. Alexander doesn’t seem suspicious, just sympathetic and he issues a standing offer to drive Aaron home in case of future headaches. 

Aaron doesn’t take him up on it, the visions only come so often, and most of the time he can get home before the headache gets too bad. But Alexander is observant and he seems to be good at spotting when Aaron has a headache. He renews his offer on those days, doesn’t push when Aaron turns him down, but he starts to bring Aaron a series of soothing teas. He seems to be gathering data on which ones Aaron likes, because, without ever discussing it, he figures out which one is Aaron’s favorite, which one settles Aaron’s stomach when the pain makes it roil. Alexander brings Aaron a hot mug of it anytime he catches Aaron wincing in the light of the office. 

Best of all, on the days that Aaron doesn’t have a headache, Alexander treats Aaron just the same as always, still asking Aaron’s opinion on his writing, on the topics he picks, and still flirting with Aaron. Aaron isn’t quite sure why he thought Alexander might not, after all Alexander doesn’t know about the visions, just the headaches, but it’s still a relief.

#

It’s January when Aaron finds himself in enough pain to take Alexander up on the offer of a ride. He’s sitting at his desk, hand pressed over his eyes in an effort to block out the brightness, and contemplating the seemingly long walk to Alexander’s desk, and the shame of asking for help, when someone says his name, low and soft. 

It’s Alexander, a fresh mug of tea in his hand, but instead of offering it to Aaron, he says, “Let me give you a ride home.”

Aaron can’t even pretend to protest, he just nods. 

Alexander straightens, “I’ll tell the bosses, you get your coat on.” 

Aaron has managed to slip into his coat, wrap his scarf around his neck, and is sliding on the last glove when Alexander comes back, his own coat thrown over his arm, “Okay, ready?” 

Aaron nods, and Alexander doesn’t say anything else, just leading Aaron to his car, and silently driving them home. Aaron feels a little bit better outside, the crisp air numbs everything a bit, and although it’s only a little past four it’s already dark out, which is a relief to Aaron’s eyes. 

“Thank you,” he says, soft. 

“Any time, you know that,” Alexander says. 

He doesn’t offer to walk Aaron up this time, and so Aaron just nods and makes his way out into the cold dark between the car and the building. Alexander stays until Aaron’s all the way inside. 

The vision doesn’t come for another few hours. Hours of Aaron sealed in his bedroom, curtains drawn against any stray light, pillow blocking out the faint sounds of an argument drifting up from the apartment below, as the pain builds and builds. 

When it finally hits it leaves him shaking. He forces himself to write down every detail, every single thing he saw. Only when he can’t think of anything else to add does he allow himself to go to the bathroom and empty his stomach. 

Normally he feels better after the vision is over, but although the pain is gone from his head, it’s been replaced by an ache in in his chest, because this vision was of death. It was of Alexander’s death. Aaron smooths his notes with a shaking hand, reading the details over again as if there is some solution hiding in there. Alexander walking alone in the dark, mugged by a young kid, who clearly didn’t want to be doing this. Alexander had tried to talk the kid down, but hadn’t been reckless, he’d been handing over his watch and wallet when the kid startled at some random noise, and shot Alexander in the chest. The kid had fled, and in the vision Aaron had watched Alexander’s last pained moments, the blood pooling under him, staining the dirty snow red, his eyes darting around until they became fixed, his harsh breath tapering off into a ringing, awful silence. 

Aaron pushes the memory of that silence aside and looks for anything that can help him stop this. Alexander had been wearing the same coat he’s worn every day this winter, the clothes that Aaron had been able to see under the long black coat were only black pants, and black shoes, again something that could be almost any day. There had been snow on the ground, but there was snow now, and likely to be snow for quite a while given the cold temperatures. It had been dark out, but considering it was dark from four thirty at night until seven in the morning that didn’t really help narrow it down. 

Aaron forces himself to eat some toast, and drink some water, but he can’t make himself sleep. It could be right now, Alexander could be dying in an alley right now, and Aaron doesn’t even have his number to check. Even if it’s not true, even if Alexander is alive when Aaron gets to work tomorrow, what if he can’t figure out when it’s going to happen? Beyond that, can he even stop it? He has cold, bitter experience that tells him he might not be able to, and that if he does he’ll be damning someone else to die. Can he make that choice? Alexander is a good enough man, but even Aaron whose heart still skips a beat for Alexander’s smiles can’t pretend he’s a saint, or even a  _ notably _ good man. He’s notably talented, but he can be abrasive to anyone who doesn’t see eye to eye with him. Aaron’s heard the rumors that he cheated on his last boyfriend, and he’s not exactly giving away money to charity, more like constantly expanding his wardrobe. Aaron could be condemning a better person to death by picking Alexander, or even…

Aaron finally drifts off about an hour before his alarm goes off, and then rushes through his morning routine twice as fast as usual. He arrives at the office early, and then waits, startling every person that comes through the door with his intense scrutiny and perhaps obvious disappointment when they aren’t Alexander. Just when Aaron is teetering on the edge of panic, Alexander walks in and smiles his bright smile at Aaron. 

Aaron feels so relieved, and he smiles back, big and unguarded in the way he almost never does. Alexander’s smooth stride hitches a bit, as he sees the smile, but he makes his way over to Aaron’s desk, the same as every morning, “Feeling better?”

Aaron is still smiling, Alexander is wearing black pants and shoes under his coat, it could be today, but Aaron still has time to fix this, “Much. Thank you for yesterday.” 

Alexander seems a little awestruck, “Uh, no problem. Anytime.” 

Aaron only has one plan at this point, if he can’t figure out when the vision is going to happen he needs to stick with Alexander like glue, until it’s resolved, “I should thank you. Are you free for dinner tonight?” 

Alexander’s jaw drops for just a second, and then he’s answering just a little too loud, “Yes.” He clears his throat, “I mean, yes.”

Aaron just smiles, “Great! Why don’t we just leave from here?” 

Alexander nods, still looking a little shocked. 

“Okay, I’ll see you later,” Aaron says cheerfully. 

Alexander stumbles back to the writers office, glancing back at Aaron three times in the few short steps. 

Aaron lets his smile fade away once Alexander is out of sight. He needs to figure out a place to take Alexander, ideally some place with excruciatingly slow service so he can take up the whole night. 

#

Aaron finds an Italian restaurant online, in the neighborhood that he knows Alexander lives in, it has good reviews and Alexander seems fine with it when Aaron suggests it on their way out. He’s no longer looking so shellshocked to be going out to dinner with Aaron, some of his usual self-assurance taking over, but he keeps smiling at Aaron in a way that makes Aaron’s stomach twist. 

Angelica catches up to them as they are walking out, and frowns worriedly at Aaron, “Is Alexander taking you home? You could have left early if you still weren’t feeling well.” 

“Uh, no. We’re…” Aaron trails off, not sure what to say, and a little surprised that Alexander hadn’t been back in the writers room bragging about finally wearing Aaron down. 

This opening is too much for Alexander though, because he answers, a little smug, “We’re getting some dinner.” 

Angelica looks surprised, turning to Aaron for confirmation as if Alexander might have made it up, and Aaron nods, “Yes.”

She evaluates them, “Well. Have fun then.” 

Aaron nods and tries to look like someone who is excited to being going out with a co-worker, and not like someone on a deathwatch. Luckily he’s had a lot of practice at faking things, and although Angelica doesn’t seem entirely convinced she might just think he’s embarrassed to have given in to Alexander’s persistence, because she just gives him a half-smile and leaves. 

The drive to the restaurant is a little awkward, they’ve never interacted outside of the office before really, Alexander silent on the drives when Aaron has had a headache. They can’t seem to quite find a rhythm and are hindered by Aaron’s wariness when they are walking from the car to the restaurant. The restaurant turns out to be close to Alexander’s apartment, so he parks in his usual spot and they walk from there, Alexander pointing out his place to Aaron. Every alley they pass makes Aaron nervous, trying both to study it for some hint of recognition, and to keep an eye on Alexander, as if looking away from him for a moment would doom him. Alexander is watching Aaron too. He seems aware of Aaron’s jumpiness, if not the cause, and his gaze is gentle in a way that Aaron hadn’t really realized that Alexander could be. In another situation it might have soothed Aaron, but here it only makes him more determined to protect Alexander. 

Dinner is a bit better. Once they are in the restaurant, Aaron feels like he can relax a little, of course he’s already changed things, but all his experience suggests that the universe tries to stick as closely to the script as possible, and it seems less likely that something will happen here, away from dark alleys, snow, and muggers. They manage to get the limping conversation off the ground, talking about work, favorite books, and funny stories from college. They both avoid anything too personal, but Aaron feels like he gets to know Alexander better. They eat slowly, and linger over dessert and coffee until Alexander starts to yawn. 

Aaron should be tired too, running on only one hour of sleep, but his determination is keeping him going. He offers to walk Alexander back to his, running right over Alexander’s offer to drive Aaron back. It’s a quick train ride from here, Aaron points out, it doesn’t make sense for Alexander to drive. He walks Alexander right to his door, and in the awkward moment there offers Alexander a hug. Alexander smiles back at Aaron as he goes into his building, and Aaron watches the door Alexander entered for a long time, wondering how he can be sure that Alexander is really in for the night. Aaron could have made sure of course, could have kissed Alexander at the door, asked to come up, spent the night. He’s almost positive it would have worked, but he can’t do that to Alexander, lie to him like that, hurt him if… 

Eventually Aaron has to leave, has to accept that he’s done the best he can do for the day. He manages to get a bit more sleep that night, but a rush of relief still overtakes him in the morning when Alexander walks through the door, black pants, black shoes, but unhurt. 

Alexander returns Aaron’s bright relieved smile, with a relieved smile of his own, perhaps worried that Aaron would have regretted going out with him. Aaron rushes to dismiss that thought, returning Alexander’s hello with his own greeting, “Hey, I had a good time last night.”

Hercules walking past them does a double-take, and Aaron scowls at him until he leaves, no doubt to go gossip with Angelica

Alexander smiles back, looking soft and happy, “Me too.”

Aaron pushes on, pushes more than he’s ever pushed anyone before, “We should do it again. What are you doing tonight?” 

Alexander looks a little blank for a minute, but then his smile renews, “Nothing.” 

“Would you like to go to dinner?” 

Alexander looks both puzzled and pleased, but just says, “Sure, why don’t I pick this time?” 

Aaron agrees, and with another night settled he manages to get some work done.

Dinner that night is at a Caribbean restaurant that Alexander picks, which is how Aaron learns a little bit about his background. He’d known vaguely that Alexander had immigrated to the U.S. at some point early in life, but Alexander tells him the bare bones of what sounds like a rather tragic past. Aaron can’t just leave Alexander hanging, reaching out without reciprocation, so Aaron tells just the framework of his own story and Alexander smiles sadly at him, “I knew you could understand.” 

Aaron looks away, and they turn the topic to happier things, careful childhood memories from before things went bad, music, and gentle gossip about their co-workers. 

Aaron insists on walking Alexander back again, and Alexander allows him to, looking bemused but agreeable. The hug lingers just a bit this time, and when Aaron pulls back it’s Alexander who says in a rush, “Tomorrow- I have a friend who’s showing some art at a gallery tomorrow evening, I’d really like it if you could come with me.” 

Aaron feels relieved not to have to come up with another invitation, and he smiles at Alexander, “I’d love that.”  

Alexander smiles at Aaron, eyes drifting down to his lips, but Aaron pulls further back, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Alexander nods looking slightly flushed, as he waves to Aaron and heads in. Aaron watches the door for a few minutes, before deciding to head home. 

Aaron sleeps most of the night, but has dreams of the vision, of Alexander dying in the snow, and they leave Aaron a bit wrung out, as if he hadn’t slept. But, in the morning Alexander is back, black pants, black shoes, still alive, and Aaron has him booked for the night, so he smiles brightly at him. 

Angelica drops by in the afternoon, taking in Aaron’s carefully chosen clothes, ready for an art show, “I should have seen this coming.” 

Aaron pretends to be sorting already sorted papers on his desk, “Should you?” 

She sighs, “You’ve only been making heart eyes at each other since he started. No. Since he interviewed.”

Aaron’s face feels warm, but he doesn’t deny it.

She reaches down to stop the paper shuffling, “Hey, if you’re happy, I’m happy.” 

He looks up at her and tries to summon his most genuine smile, “I’m happy.” And he will be, he’ll be so happy if he can just stop this. 

She searches his face, and then reluctantly smiles at him, “Well good. It’s the only thing that would make up for how smug Alexander is getting.” 

He laughs, and pushes the stack of papers back together, smoothing the edges of the pile, disturbed by all the fake sorting. 

#

After work Alexander takes him out for a quick bite, “You can’t trust gallery food to be filling,” he says apologetically. 

Aaron just smiles at him, and they linger over the diner food until it’s time for them to leave. Parking turns out to be a challenge, and they have to park several looming alleys away from the gallery, but they make it there without incident, and Aaron is trying to relax and enjoy the art when Alexander drags him over to the man that must be his friend. He’s a tall man who Alexander introduces as Gilbert. 

“No man, call me Lafayette here among the art, I’m trying to get on the level of like Monet, or Warhol, or Cher.” 

Aaron smiles, and shakes his hand, “Aaron.” 

Lafayette pauses in the middle of the handshake, awkwardly still holding Aaron’s hand, and turns to Alexander, “ _ The  _ Aaron? The Aaron you’ve ditched us the last two nights for?”

Aaron darts a glance at Alexander who is looking both embarrassed and murderous, “I don’t know what you mean. I never plan anything with you losers.” 

Lafayette just laughs, and seems to realize he’s stopped mid-handshake, giving Aaron’s hand one final shake, and then assessing him, “Hm, seems worth it.” He wriggles his eyebrows at Aaron, it should be kind of sleazy, but since he directs it at Aaron it seems more like he’s trying to annoy Alexander than anything, and Aaron just laughs. 

Alexander huffs, and drags Aaron away, ignoring the laughter that follows them. They spend some time looking at the art, having whispered debates about the merits of the various paintings and photographs that are on display. Lafayette’s photographs are pretty good, and Aaron is delighted to spot one of Alexander, hard at work in what seems to be his apartment, typing away on his laptop, surrounded by unsteady stacks of papers and books. Aaron’s only seen him like this in that one vision, that one stolen glimpse. He wishes he had the chance to see it in person, not in the midst of a vision, and not pinned to a gallery wall, but Lafayette has done a good job capturing Alexander’s intensity and brilliance. Aaron lingers a bit by that one, studying it while Alexander shifts nervously beside him. He looks flattered, but almost shy when Aaron turns to him with a smile, and Aaron doesn’t say anything about it as they move on to the next piece. 

They stay for a bit, and then make their goodbyes to Lafayette, who issues an open invitation for Aaron to spend time with Alexander’s group of friends. 

They walk back to the car, Aaron on alert and also trying to think of a way to get himself back to Alexander’s without...raising expectations. 

It turns out he doesn’t need to worry. One minute Alexander is tentatively suggesting they stop for coffee, and the next a man that Aaron simultaneously has never seen before, and also has seared into his memory is waving a gun at them. It should be different of course, why would a kid this nervous try to mug two men at once, he wouldn’t, he shouldn’t, but Aaron can almost hear the universe slotting everything back into place. Aaron tries to keep steady, to project calm, hands up where the kid can see, and complies with everything he says. Alexander keeps trying to step in front of Aaron, but otherwise is more docile than he was in the vision, apparently less willing to start something with Aaron here too. The kid is just as jumpy, even in the face of their easy compliance, his hands seem shaky and so Aaron isn’t surprised at all when the same loud noise causes him to squeeze the trigger, just like in the vision. 

He isn’t surprised, but he is ready. He pushes Alexander down to the ground, falling heavily on top of him. His sudden movement startles the kid further, causing the gun to jump. For a minute Aaron thinks he failed and that Alexander is just as dead this time as in the vision, and then Alexander is moving under him, calling his name, sounding strong and unhurt. The kid has run off, still alive, Alexander’s still alive, the universe won’t let this happen. But when Alexander manages to get up to his knees, and Aaron can see his face, worried but still beautiful, suddenly the pain registers. That’s all right then, the universe has found its trade, just like Aaron knew it must. 

It’s a burning pain, but somehow distant in his leg. It must be bleeding because Alexander spots it almost right away, he’s applying pressure. A moment of time slips past Aaron in a haze of pain and fog, then Alexander is talking to someone. Words drift through to Aaron, it must be 911 based on what Alexander’s saying, and Aaron doesn’t listen, already knowing how this ends. Alexander reaches up to Aaron’s face, trying to get his attention through the cold and the fog, “Aaron. Aaron, please. Look at me.” 

Aaron can’t say anything, it seems an impossible task, but he tries to focus on Alexander. If Aaron’s going to make this sacrifice than at least he can have this until the end. Alexander looks so worried, and his hair is falling out of the tie, probably from the fall. He’s managed to get a smudge of blood on his cheek and Aaron wishes he could wipe it away, wishes he could wipe away the worried expression too. Instead he does his best to keep his eyes trained on Alexander, until suddenly there are new people there, paramedics. Alexander slips out of his vision, and Aaron lets everything fade to black. 

# 

He wakes up. He isn’t supposed to wake up. For a few seconds he can’t remember why, and then it all comes back to him. Alexander. He can’t wake up, because he was supposed to save Alexander. 

He must start to panic a bit, because he becomes aware of the heart monitor beeping next to him, fast. Suddenly there’s a nurse, and then a doctor, and Aaron can’t pay attention to the questions they’re asking him, because if he’s alive Alexander is still in danger, or...who knows how long he’s been out. Alexander could be dead already, and what’s the point of having this stupid ability if Aaron can never save anyone he cares about? 

But then, in between the professional faces of the doctor and the nurse, he sees Alexander. Rumpled and tired looking, but it’s him and Aaron finally manages to say something, “Alexander.” 

It’s barely comprehensible, Aaron’s mouth feels so dry, and he feels exhausted in a way he’s never felt before, like he’s underwater, or buried alive, and each movement requires moving not only himself but a huge weight pressing down on him. But it’s enough, Alexander’s face brightens and he slips in between the doctor and the nurse to take Aaron’s hand. “Aaron,” he says, and then again, “Aaron,” like it’s the only thing worth saying. 

Aaron tries to squeeze his hand, to hold him  _ there _ before the universe can snatch him away in some absurd course correction. Alexander smiles at Aaron, and then at the request of the doctor asks Aaron if Aaron can answer her questions. 

Aaron does his best, and he manages to produce his own name, the date, the president. He follows the penlight she waves in front of his eyes, and seems to pass all the little tests of his reflexes. At the end everyone in the room seems more relaxed, and she tells him that it doesn’t appear that he’s suffered any neurological damage. The effort of complying with her tests had been exhausting, and he’s having a hard time paying attention now to her explanations, but she seems to be saying that feeling tired for a while is normal so he doesn’t think about it, only worrying about how to save Alexander. 

When she leaves, he musters enough energy to reach out for Alexander again, just focused enough to remember that he has to keep him here, away from the snow and from guns. 

Alexander takes his hand, and pulls a chair close to Aaron’s bed. Aaron just manages, “Stay.” 

Alexander smiles a shaky, somehow unhappy smile, “I’m not the one that needs to be told to stay, Aaron.” 

Aaron shakes his head, not really understanding, and Alexander’s smile slips into the frown it really wants to be, “You got shot! You nearly bled out. Your heart stopped, Aaron.” 

His voice is shaking, and he pulls Aaron’s hand up, pressing his cheek to the back of it, as if reassuring himself of something, before carefully lowering it and saying, “You were dead. Technically you were dead. So  _ you  _ stay. Don’t leave me again.” 

Aaron’s mind is racing, the same question chasing itself round in circles, “Was it enough?” 

Alexander is staring at him, a confused line between his eyebrows, “Was what enough, Aaron?”

Oh, Aaron hadn’t meant to say that out loud. He just shakes his head, and squeezes Alexander’s hand, eyes drifting shut even as he wants to try to figure this out. 

#

Slowly Aaron gains back his strength. The doctors are relieved that he doesn’t seem to have suffered any organ damage from the blood loss, and the wound is healing well, relatively minor now that the nicked artery is closed. 

Aaron is relieved that Alexander continues to be alive, that his own pseudo death was apparently enough to appease the universe. Alexander visits every day, patient with Aaron barely being able to keep his eyes open at first, and willing to help Aaron with the small exercises they set him as he works to gain back his strength. As it turns out, losing most of the blood in your body is a tiring experience more than anything. Angelica comes by regularly too, seeming determined to not show how Aaron scared her, which only makes it more obvious somehow. She reports all the office gossip, and their valiant struggles to keep afloat without Aaron.

On the third day that Aaron is in the hospital he gets a phone call from Sally. They haven’t talked in over a decade, but apparently the number he put down for her on his hiring paperwork as emergency contact was still good, and Angelica had called her. Sally didn’t rush into the city, or even call right away, but she did call and Aaron supposes that’s something. 

“Are you doing okay?” She asks once it’s clear who he’s talking to. 

“Yes, I’ll be fine.” 

There’s a pause. “They said you were shot.” Her voice seems a little different, he can’t tell if it’s a shift in accent, some effect of age, or just the awkwardness of the situation. 

“A mugging,” He doesn’t elaborate, she doesn’t need to know. 

She pauses again, and then takes a breath, “Was it- Was it because of…”

She doesn’t finish the question, but he doesn’t need her to. He doesn’t answer the question, but then she doesn’t need him to either. 

She gasps once, a hiss of air, and then, “Who is worth that?” 

He swallows, gripping the plastic of the phone too tight, “His name is Alexander.” 

She doesn’t seem surprised, he never came out to her, but she was his big sister, maybe he’d given himself away long ago, “And you love him enough to die for him? Or did you just want to die?” 

Aaron stumbles, love? “I wanted him to live.” That’s the truest answer. 

“You wanted him to live enough to die.” 

He doesn’t respond. He’d known as soon as the vision ended what might be the outcome. He’d followed Alexander for three days, knowing that he was chasing his own death, but he can’t say it to his sister. 

“Would he want that?” 

She’s playing dirty now, “No,” he admits, “But he’s not going to know.” 

There’s a silence, “You didn’t tell him?” 

He snorts, “You’re the only one who knows.” 

Another silence, in a phone call of hesitations and stumbles, “I’m sorry.”

He’s tired, “It doesn’t matter. Are you happy?” 

She seems surprised, “Am I happy?” 

“I haven’t talked to my sister in over a decade, I’m allowed to wonder.” 

“You don’t know?” 

“How would I- Oh. No, I haven’t seen you in a long time, Sally.” 

She sounds sad, “Oh. Yes, I’m happy, Aaron.” 

“That’s good.” 

She says soft, “I hope you’re happy.”

“I’m fine, Sally.”

If she notices that’s not quite what she asked she doesn’t say. Instead she wraps up the phone call, and Aaron supposes that’s it for another decade, or maybe forever.

When Alexander visits that afternoon, he notices that Aaron’s not in a great mood, but Aaron doesn’t know how to explain. He offers up a sketch of the story, with all the important information drained out, and Alexander nods as if it makes sense, even though it doesn’t. 

#

After five days in the hospital they declare him ready to go home if there’s someone around to help out. Aaron isn’t sure what to say, but Alexander is there and he says, “Me, of course,” as if it’s obvious that he’ll take care of Aaron. 

When the doctor has left, Aaron can’t help but ask, “Are you sure?” 

Alexander takes his hand, “Sounds like the perfect fourth date to me.”

Aaron just laughs, and lets Alexander drive him home, and lets him bring a suitcase of Alexander’s own clothes into Aaron’s apartment, but that first night, when Alexander is getting ready to set up on the couch, Aaron says, “You don’t have to sleep there, we can share.” 

This time it’s Alexander who asks, “Are you sure?” 

Aaron is sure, and he reaches out for Alexander and gives him a goodnight kiss, letting himself have this now that he isn’t planning on dying anytime soon. Alexander’s stunned, happy face is everything that Aaron dreamed about in his ordinary dreams. 

# 

It takes awhile for Aaron to get back on his feet fully, but eventually with Alexander and Angelica’s help he makes it back to the office, and after awhile he even manages not to feel totally exhausted after a day of sitting at his desk. 

Alexander spends a week with Aaron after he gets out of the hospital, but when it’s clear that Aaron can take care of himself again he goes back to his place.

Once Aaron starts to get his energy back, Alexander asks him out on a date. Aaron invites Alexander back for coffee after, and they spend what feels like hours making out on Aaron’s sofa until Alexander dazedly says he has to go. Aaron isn’t sure if Alexander is going slow for his own benefit, or because he thinks that’s what Aaron wants, but Aaron’s determined to find out.

The next date Aaron plans, he invites Alexander to the apartment for a movie and a meal. After dinner, when they’ve been kissing for twenty slow minutes, and Aaron has Alexander spread under him on the couch, he stops and says, “What do you think about taking this to the bedroom?” 

Alexander takes a moment, and maybe Aaron shouldn’t be straddling Alexander’s hips while they have this conversation, “I, uh, I thought that you didn’t want to rush?” 

Aaron nods, “I’ve re-evaluated.” Re-evaluated now that death isn’t stalking them, and no-one will be left behind with only memories. 

Alexander’s hands tighten a bit where they’ve been resting on Aaron’s thighs, “Oh?” 

“How do you feel about that?” 

Alexander’s left thumb traces the outside seam of Aaron’s jeans, “I feel good about that.” 

Aaron smiles at him, “So again, how would you like to non-platonically visit my bedroom?” 

Alexander smiles back, “I would like that very much.” 

Aaron leans down to kiss him, and then after a minute levers himself up, and tugs Alexander up too, leading him into the bedroom. 

Alexander lets himself be pulled, and lets Aaron set him down on the edge of the bed. Aaron steps between his legs and looks down at his face, tracing the edge of his cheek and the small lines at the corners of his eyes as he smiles softly up at Aaron, like Aaron is something special, something amazing. Aaron can’t help but lean in for a kiss, even though they’ve been doing that for the last twenty minutes, but after a bit he pulls back and leans down to unbutton Alexander’s shirt. 

Alexander catches the hint quickly, helping Aaron unbutton his own shirt, and then tugging at the edge of Aaron’s in a broad hint. Aaron pulls his shirt over his head, and then leaves his pants behind as well, and then figuring there’s no point in being coy, his underwear too. Alexander quickly follows suit, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor. 

He scans Aaron up and down, and then pulls him in by one bare hip, “Beautiful.” 

Aaron leans in for another kiss, and then pushes Alexander gently back into the bed. Alexander twists, so they end up laying in the bed properly, and Aaron luxuriates in the feeling of all that skin against skin, hands wanting to touch everywhere at once. 

Alexander seems to feel much the same, and Aaron isn’t sure whether getting to touch or the feeling of Alexander’s strong hands on his back, his chest, his hips, is the best. 

Alexander explores first with his hands, and then with his mouth, making a slow path down to Aaron’s cock, and then bypassing it to trail down his thigh, to the scar left by the bullet on Aaron’s inner thigh. Alexander touches it first gently with his fingers, just tracing the jagged shape of it, watching Aaron’s face as he does. Aaron doesn’t know what his face is doing, it doesn’t really hurt anymore. At this point it’s mostly just ugly, but Aaron can’t regret anything about it, because without that scar Alexander would be dead. Alexander doesn’t know that of course, and who knows what it means to him when he dips his head and presses a series of soft kisses there. 

Aaron lets his head drop back to the pillows, just feeling the whisper light kisses, and then the deeper kisses back up his thigh. Alexander stops, and asks, “Can I?” 

Aaron looks. Alexander’s hand is hovering over Aaron’s cock, his head tilted quizzically, “You most certainly can.” 

Alexander smiles, and then Aaron is receiving a truly top notch blowjob, and his head is falling back into the pillows as he tries his best not to push up and choke Alexander. Alexander has a definite skill, and it doesn’t take long for Aaron to tip over the edge, just barely able to keep enough presence of mind to warn Alexander, although Alexander doesn’t pull back, just swallows Aaron down as he comes. 

When Aaron has come back to himself he says, “Wow.” Alexander just slides up for another kiss, and Aaron kisses him back, running one hand down Alexander’s chest to find his hard cock. Aaron quickly finds a rhythm that makes Alexander moan into his mouth, and push into his hand, and keeps it up until Alexander is coming, hands clutching at Aaron’s shoulder, and a groan hitching in his throat. Alexander breaths into Aaron’s neck as Aaron gentles him through it, and then reaches over for some tissues to clean up. 

Aaron pulls the covers over them, settling against Alexander, who obligingly adjusts, wrapping an arm around him. “Stay?” Aaron asks. 

Alexander just says, “mm,” clearly already drifting to sleep, but Aaron takes that as a yes. 

#

The next few months are some of the best of Aaron’s life. Alexander is infuriating, sweet, and sexy by turns. Their lives fall together as if they were meant to fit, although it probably helps that Aaron didn’t have much of a life to start with. He meets Alexander’s friends, spends less time in his apartment, and the time he does spend there he often spends with Alexander. Alexander gets to know Ms. Zhou, and spends many nights with Aaron, just quietly in each other’s company, making fun of bad television, and sleeping in Aaron’s bed. 

It’s everything Aaron used to want, and would have never allowed himself to have. The only flaw is the one secret Aaron can’t bring himself to tell Alexander. The problem is that it’s not really one secret, it’s somehow the whole shape of Aaron’s life, hidden away from Alexander. It’s the why of his childhood, of the broken relationship with Sally, and of his solitary life. Worst of all, admitting his ability is admitting that the only reason they’re even dating now was because of it. That Aaron never would have asked Alexander out if it wasn’t a ploy to save his life, and Aaron has no idea how Alexander would take that. 

So Aaron doesn’t say anything to Alexander, instead Aaron carefully hides the notebooks away, switching to taking notes on a locked app on his phone. Aaron feels a twist of guilt, almost as nauseating as the pain, every time Alexander gently takes care of Aaron when he has a headache. The mugs of tea, the soft voice, the way Alexander leaves him the whole bedroom, working quietly in the living room until the pain passes, all of it only makes Aaron feel worse. 

Despite the guilt, despite the feeling that this will all end like every other relationship he’s allowed himself, Aaron can’t pretend that he’s going to do anything other than hold on to this for as long as possible. 

#

It’s a Saturday a few months into the relationship. Alexander had stayed the night and they were supposed to have a lazy Saturday, they were going to go out to lunch, and figure it out from there, but Aaron woke with a familiar pounding in his head. Alexander was sweet, understanding, and just made Aaron a mug of tea and left him alone in the quiet, dark of the bedroom, while he worked on some research out in the living room. He showed up at lunch with some toast and more tea, and dropped a gentle kiss on Aaron’s shoulder when he left, making Aaron’s stomach twist once again with guilt. 

When the vision comes it’s a quiet thing. It’s of Ms. Zhou, she’s sleeping, the first hints of dawn beginning to peek in through her window, creating a slight gray light. As Aaron watches, from the disembodied perspective he always gets in these visions, her breath hitches, once, twice, and then stops with a slow rasp. She doesn’t wake, or look pained and the vision lingers on her still body for a moment more, the light warming from gray to the yellow-orange of day. Her alarm flips on, and the radio announces “It looks like it’s going to be a warm Sunday, so pull out your shorts.” 

The vision ends, and Aaron lies still in the bed for a minute, before carefully pulling out his phone and documenting everything, more habit than need. There wasn’t anything mysterious about that one. When Aaron finishes, he takes a deep breath and goes to wash his face. He stares at himself in the mirror until he’s sure his expression is blank and neutral, and then gets dressed. 

Alexander smiles at him as he comes out of the bedroom, “Feeling better?” 

Aaron tries to smile back, “Yeah.” 

He heads to the kitchen, and pulls out everything he needs, setting the oven to preheat. Alexander wanders up behind him, and watches as he mixes the dry ingredients and then the wet, “What are you up to?” 

Aaron tries to seem casual, “I wanted to make some cookies, some for us, some for Ms. Zhou.” 

Alexander nods, as if that’s exactly what anyone would do after hours of migraine, “Sure. Sounds good, let me know if you need any help.” He presses a kiss to Aaron’s temple and wanders back to his laptop, clearly lost in whatever story he’s working on. 

Aaron bakes a small batch of cookies, gathering up the lion’s share on a plate with determinedly steady hands, and then takes them, still warm, next door. 

Ms. Zhou answers the door with a happy smile, “Aaron, what a surprise.” 

He smiles back at her, smooth and easy, “I made some of your favorite cookies, and I had some extra.” 

“Oh my, well why don’t you come in and help me eat some?” She says, opening to door to her neat apartment wider.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Aaron sets the plate down on her table. 

“Is your young man over? Invite him over too,” She says, setting her teapot on to boil. 

Aaron slips back out into the hall to invite Alexander, who smiles and leaves his work behind. 

They spend forty-five minutes chatting, Aaron and Alexander taking turns to try to make Ms. Zhou laugh. When she starts to look tired, they make their excuses, and Aaron promises to bring her something else in the morning. She smiles at him, fond, “You spoil me.” 

He kisses the back of her hand, all overdone gallantry, “The least I can do for a lady like yourself.” 

She laughs and shoos him away. 

He laughs back, and says he’ll see her in the morning. 

The smile slips from his face once they are back in the apartment, and he puts the rest of the cookies away and loads the dishwasher mechanically. Alexander comes into the kitchen to ask him if he wants to go out for dinner, and it takes Aaron a minute to process the words, before he can shake his head, trying desperately to come up with an explanation.

Alexander, is frowning, that concerned line back between his brows, “Is your head still hurting?” 

Aaron can’t help himself, he just leans into Alexander, relaxing a little as Alexander brings his arms up to wrap around Aaron, “Just tired.” 

“Okay,” Alexander says, “Let’s not worry about going out.” 

They don’t, instead spending the evening theoretically watching a stupid film, but Aaron doesn’t even pretend to pay attention, just laying on the couch with his head resting on Alexander’s lap, with one of Alexander’s hands cupped soothingly on his neck. They go to bed early, and Aaron presses into Alexander’s side, taking all the comfort he can from his familiar warmth and the steady beat of his heart. 

Aaron drifts in and out, but he’s wide awake as the sun starts to light the room, he watches as the room shifts from cool gray to warm daylight, motionless. When he finally goes to get up, he realizes with a start that Alexander is also awake, watching him with that concerned line between his eyebrows. Aaron doesn’t say anything. He just gets up, takes a shower, and starts in on baking a coffee cake. He sits at the table, watching the clock tick by the minutes as it bakes, and then as it cools. Alexander comes out of the bedroom and watches him for a minute, but doesn’t say anything. 

Aaron is trying not to think. There wasn’t anything to do. He could hardly have stopped her dying, unless he made her go to a hospital the night before, and even then what could they do? She was ninety-two. It was the best possible death, he wasn’t going to ruin it for her. She was on good terms with her family, if not close, no use in worrying them trying to get them to say a last minute goodbye. All he could do now was make sure that she didn’t spend too much time unnoticed. 

So when the cake is cool, he puts two slices on a plate and goes next door and knocks. When she doesn’t answer, he calls. When she doesn’t pick up, he calls the building manager and explains that he’s worried. Cheryl doesn’t take much convincing, Ms. Zhou is so old, and so it’s only a few minutes later that it’s over. That he can know, without being a freak. It’s in Cheryl’s hands now, and she seems up to the challenge. 

He goes back to his apartment. Alexander is standing in the doorway, watching Cheryl make her phone calls, and he offers Aaron a hug. Aaron leans into it for a moment, and then pulls away to throw the slices of coffee bread into the trash, then the rest of the loaf as well. 

They spend the remainder of the day just being quiet, Aaron clinging a bit, and Alexander willing to be clung to. It’s not so bad today, Aaron manages to pay attention to the easy conversation that Alexander offers, and to eat the sandwiches that he makes for lunch. It’s easier now that it’s over, once Aaron’s role is done. 

Alexander doesn’t ask any questions, on the surface he doesn’t seem to have any suspicions, but Aaron feels like it’s only a matter of time. 

#

They continue on for a couple of months, and Aaron feels jumpy and unsettled, as if at any moment Alexander will know that Aaron’s been lying to him, hiding from him. Perhaps it’s Aaron’s tension more than anything that makes Alexander careful around Aaron, that means the worried line between his eyebrows makes regular appearances. He asks Aaron once or twice if something is bothering him, but always stops when Aaron denies it. Instead Alexander’s just carefully observant as if he can figure out what’s bothering Aaron, and solicitous as if he can somehow make it better. The observant part of this only makes Aaron more nervous, he knows how smart Alexander is. If Aaron were just as smart maybe he would tell Alexander himself.

Aaron thinks about that a lot, turning over the idea in his mind, trying to imagine Alexander’s possible reactions. Aaron can’t quite imagine a positive outcome though, his mind always going back to the people he’s told in the past, his parents long dead, and Sally who hasn’t talked to him since the hospital and not for years before that. Aaron thinks Alexander would be the same in the end, uncomfortable with knowing that Aaron can see things that should be private, uncomfortable with Aaron having that kind of power, or perhaps with how little Aaron can really do. Most of all upset that their whole relationship has been built on a false premise, that Aaron never meant there to  _ be _ a relationship. 

And while Aaron never meant it to happen he can’t be the one to break it off, too fond of Alexander, too content with his warmth in Aaron’s bed, and his company in Aaron’s life. Even before they started dating Aaron had cared for him, liked him deeply enough to sacrifice for him, but now that he gets to spend the little moments with Alexander, to see him domestic at home, to hear his sparkling laughter out with his friends, and to feel his kisses and his body against Aaron, all of it is too much to give up. Aaron will hold on to all of it as long as Alexander will let him.

#

In the end, Aaron gives himself away at work. It’s where they met and maybe it’s fitting in some way that it should end there too. The headache comes on fast and sudden. Not outside the range of Aaron’s experience, but certainly not typical. In the morning he’s fine, but by two he can barely stand the lights of the office. Alexander had noticed at lunch. He’d offered to take Aaron home then, but Aaron hadn’t expected the swift progression and insisted he’d be fine until the end of the day. Alexander has come to check on Aaron, and when he sees how Aaron’s hands are shaking, he offers again to take Aaron home. Aaron reluctantly agrees, barely able to keep his eyes open under the glare of the office lights. They’ve made it to the top of the stairs at the front of the building, and at first Aaron thinks it’s the late summer sun pouring in from the large showy windows on the front of the building that have made the pain in his head spike, but as he stumbles into Alexander, he vaguely realizes that no, the vision is already on him. Then everything slips away except the pain and the pictures. 

He sees Angelica, standing outside the office, waiting for someone. She’s tapping away at her phone and she doesn’t see the biker who shouldn’t be on the sidewalk, and who is biking too fast. The biker crashes into her, and the impact sends them both flying, Angelica hitting the sidewalk too hard. She’s too still for a minute, and when she comes up her arm isn’t quite at the right angle, and her eyes are glassy, unfocused. There’s blood rushing from a wound on her head, and some people on the street have stopped to help her. The biker is slowly getting up too, seemingly unhurt except for a bruise and a scrape on her wrist.

When Aaron comes back to himself, the pain mercifully gone, Alexander is calling his name in a way that suggests he’s said it before. He looks pale and worried, holding Aaron who had apparently hidden his face in Alexander’s shoulder to ride out the vision. Aaron can’t think about any of that now though, because the Angelica in his vision had been wearing the same brightly colored blouse that she’d been wearing this morning. He pulls from Alexander’s arms and looks out the window to the sidewalk below, stomach sinking when he sees Angelica down there, texting on her phone just like in the vision.

Alexander is saying something, but Aaron doesn’t have time to listen, instead taking off at a run down the stairs to the sidewalk. He barely makes it, as he bursts out of the office doors, the biker is already barreling towards Angelica who still hasn’t noticed. He just manages to gasp, “Watch out,” and pull her back. 

She startles and ends up off balance, toppling into him. He’s skidding out of his run, no more steady, and they go down in a tangled heap. Luckily she lands on top, seemingly uninjured. When they’ve managed to sort themselves out enough to sit up, he sees that the biker has spun out, falling hard, although not hitting anyone else. Her arm hangs loosely beside her, and her head is bleeding under her helmet. 

Angelica sees her as well, and turns to Aaron, “Oh my god, are you okay? I didn’t even notice her.”

He nods, and levers himself to his feet, hissing slightly when he goes to push himself up with his hands and realizes that his wrist is scraped and bruised. 

As they stand, Angelica reaches for it, “Oh no, Aaron, I’m sorry. Thank you, that was close.” 

Alexander shows up then, “Are you two okay?” His eyes linger on Aaron’s sluggishly bleeding hand, but Alexander doesn’t reach for Aaron.

Aaron nods, and Angelica says, “I think so.”

Alexander nods too, and then goes to join the small group of people gathered around the biker. Someone has already called 911, and a passerby who appears to have enough first aid training to keep both the biker and the crowd steady is speaking in low calm voice. Aaron’s not sure what Alexander can add, but maybe he just wants to see what Aaron’s done. 

Angelica squeezes his shoulder to get Aaron’s attention, “Hey, do you want to go get this checked out at the ER?” 

Aaron shakes his head, gingerly flexing the wrist to show that he has full range of motion, “It’s just a scrape.” 

“Are you sure?” 

He nods, “Nothing a little cleaning and bandaging won’t solve.” 

She slips an arm through his uninjured one, “Well okay, let’s go avail ourselves of the office first aid kit. And then, just because I know nothing will make you happier, we’ll fill out a workplace injury report.” 

“Bestill my heart,” he says dryly, and pretends not to notice her confused expression as she watches Alexander ignore them in favor of the biker. 

After they’ve bandaged Aaron’s hand, and filled out the form, and Peggy, who Angelica was going to meet outside, has come up and made awkward small talk with everyone in the office, Angelica leaves with Peggy. “Are you sure you don’t want to leave early, Aaron?” she asks, as she gathers her things. 

He just smiles at her, “No, Alexander and I have plans, I’ll wait for him.”

He doesn’t let his smile reflect the way that Alexander had come back up after the biker had been loaded in the ambulance, and watched Angelica bandaging Aaron’s hand for some long seconds, before finally asking Aaron, “How’s your head?” 

Aaron wasn’t going to lie, not now, “Fine.” 

Alexander had just nodded, as if Aaron had confirmed something for him, and then gone to his desk where he’d been apparently hard at work since. 

Angelica, fusses with the strap of her handbag, and frowns, “Is everything okay with you two?” 

He doesn’t let his smile falter, “Of course.”

She opens her mouth as if to say something else, but then changes her mind, and just comes around the desk to give him a gentle hug, “Thank you again, I’m sure I’d be spending the night in the hospital if it wasn’t for you.” 

He hugs her back, and says, “Maybe, maybe not,” as if he doesn’t know, as if he hadn’t seen the strange unfocused way she’d looked at the world, or heard the way the biker couldn’t quite string a full sentence together, words not quite fitting in place.

But in that brief hug, she’s strong and unbroken in his arms, and when she steps back her eyes are as focused and bright as ever, and he may have lost Alexander, he may have hurt the reckless biker, but this is good. 

Angelica and Peggy leave, and Aaron works slowly for the rest of the day, hampered by his wrist which is starting to swell a bit, stiff and painful, and his inability to focus on anything but what Alexander is thinking, what he’ll say. Maybe Alexander won’t say anything, he’s barely talked to Aaron since it happened, and maybe this is the new normal, gone from Aaron’s life in any meaningful way just like that. 

When Alexander stops by Aaron’s desk at the end of the day, just like it were any other day, Aaron is a little surprised, but the ride home- to Aaron’s apartment, is abnormally quiet. Normally Alexander has a hundred things to say about the stories he’s working on, the stories other reporters are working on, stories they should be working on. He also usually likes to hear about Aaron’s day, the funny little workplace dramas and triumphs. Today, he drives them in silence. 

When they get to Aaron’s apartment, Aaron half expects  _ this  _ to be it, maybe Alexander was too polite to strand Aaron without a ride today, but he’ll drop him off and tell him to take the train from now on. Alexander doesn’t do that, he parks the car and comes up like it was any other day still. 

His face doesn’t tell Aaron anything, it’s blank, perhaps carefully so. Once in the apartment he sits on the couch, his usual spot, but instead of turning on the tv, or pulling out his laptop to work, he pulls out a folder, and says, “Can we talk?” 

Aaron feels a little like he’s in free fall, like he’s been teetering on the edge of a drop all day, and now it’s happened, but in answer he sits on the couch too. Not close to Alexander like he might if this were any day before today, but carefully at the other end. He gives Alexander his full attention, Alexander deserves that much at least.

Alexander opens the folder, and then spends a minute carefully arranging the papers before he looks up at Aaron, pointing to one of the stacks of paper he’s created, “Here are interviews I did with people who have mental abilities, for instance, precognition.” He lowers his hand, looking down for a minute, before starting again, “Most of them talk about how much it hurts, headaches mostly.” 

He hasn’t asked a question, and Aaron doesn’t say anything, a silence opening up, while Alexander is still looking at the papers. 

Finally, Alexander looks up at Aaron, “That wasn’t a headache today. You completely zoned out, I was so-” He stops and clears his throat, “Then when you came back, you knew something was going to happen to Angelica. And you stopped it.” 

He still hasn’t asked a question, but Aaron’s silence is probably answering any unspoken questions. 

Alexander goes on, “I had to think back to every headache you’ve had. The pattern isn’t totally clear, but Ms. Zhou? You were so upset, even before she died.” 

Aaron just watches him steadily, waiting to see where he’s going. 

Alexander’s gaze intensifies, and Aaron feels them getting closer to whatever it is that Alexander wants to know, “You had a headache the night before you asked me out.” He pauses, “We went out and three days later we got mugged.” 

Aaron doesn’t say anything, why confirm what Alexander clearly already knows?

Alexander takes a breath, lets it out, and then starts again, “What was supposed to happen the night we got mugged? What did you see?” 

It’s not quite the question that Aaron thought Alexander would ask, but he answers anyway, blunt and honest, “I saw you get shot.” He gestures vaguely to his own front, “In the chest. You died before anyone found you.” 

Alexander pales slightly, but instead of following up directly he points to a smaller stack of papers, “This is all the research I could find on people who claim precognition and act on it. There’s some conflicting stuff, but one theme that came up is that the timeline repairs itself, that people can’t actually make any big changes.” 

Aaron doesn’t dispute or confirm this. 

Alexander sighs, sounding frustrated. The line of worry is as deep between his brows as Aaron’s ever seen it, “You asked me out to stop me getting shot. But everything I’ve read says that you can’t stop events, the best you can do is transfer them. What did you think would happen if you prevented me from dying?”

Aaron’s honesty resolve is tested by this question, and he looks away. 

Alexander only gives him a second, “Because when you woke up in the hospital you were so upset, and why wouldn’t you be, but you didn’t calm down until I told you that you  _ died _ . You asked me if it was enough, and I thought you were just out of it, but you weren’t, were you?” 

Aaron firms his resolve, “No. Someone had to die. You’re right, you can change the who, but not the what.” 

Alexander is still tense, “You picked me to live. Who did you think would die?” 

Aaron sighs, “You know already. I thought the most likely outcome was that I would die, but of course it could have been the mugger, or a random passerby.” 

Alexander leans back, his face blank. He doesn’t say anything for a minute, then, “Why do that for me? We’d never even talked outside the office, and you were willing to kill for me, to die for me?”

Aaron shrugs, “I wanted you to live. I cared for you.” He looks at Alexander’s pale face, “I’ve had to make these choices my whole life. I chose you.” 

Alexander looks down at his hands, “And then- And after? You didn’t expect to survive our third date, why keep going out with me?” 

Aaron shakes his head, he’s already said it, “I  _ chose _ you.”  

Alexander’s eyes snap up to Aaron’s, and he lets out a slow shaky breath, “That’s quite a declaration.” 

Aaron looks away, “I’m sorry. I know it’s too much, that it’s strange, that I’m-” 

Alexander reaches out to get his attention, hand coming to rest on Aaron’s arm, unfortunately it’s the bruised one, and an involuntary hiss of pain escapes Aaron. Alexander pauses, hand hovering over the swollen wrist, “Who was this supposed to belong to?” 

Aaron doesn’t look up at him, “The woman on the bike.” 

Alexander doesn’t say anything, instead he gets up and goes to the kitchen. Aaron is frozen, is this it? He showed himself, showed his secrets, and now Alexander is going to leave. 

Instead Alexander comes back with a bag of peas, covered in a towel and helps Aaron wrap it carefully around his wrist. 

When Aaron has it settled, Alexander turns to the folder of papers, carefully re-stacking them, and sliding the folder back into his bag, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

The chill of the ice feels good against Aaron’s wrist, “You know what people think of abilities. What happens to people with them.” 

“And you thought I would be like that?” Alexander doesn’t sound angry, just curious, like he’s trying to understand. 

“No, I- I don’t know.” Aaron readjusts the peas slightly, “I’ve only ever told three people. My parents and my sister. I was seven. My parents didn’t believe me, but Sally did. We figured out all the rules, what I could and couldn’t do together. When I-” His voice cracks and he has to clear his throat and try again, “When I saw my parents die, she helped me try to save them. When I couldn’t, she didn’t want me to mention the visions again. We ended up with my aunt and uncle, very religious people, we learned in church every week how ungodly abilities were. Sally left when I was fifteen, and I didn’t talk to her until I was in the hospital, and not again since then.”

Alexander waits, but Aaron doesn’t have anything else to say, “So you thought I would leave if you told me.” 

Aaron takes the peas off for a moment, too cold now, “Of course you’ll leave.” 

Alexander makes a low hurt sound, and Aaron looks up to see his distressed expression, “Aaron, I’m not going anywhere.”

The peas slip from Aaron’s fingers, but he can’t answer that, he didn’t expect that. 

Alexander slides closer to Aaron, “Do you want me to go?” 

The air seems stuck in Aaron’s throat, like he can’t quite say anything at all, like all he can do is warily study the sincere look on Alexander’s face. He manages to shake his head no. 

Something relaxes in Alexander’s face, “Then I’m not going anywhere. Of course I’m upset that you didn’t feel like you could tell me this, but you have to know that I’m most upset that you would put yourself in danger for me.”  He reaches out and puts a hand on Aaron’s leg, right over the spot where the scar from the shooting hides under Aaron’s clothes, “You say you chose me, well, I choose you. I love you.” 

Aaron feels like his whole world is shifting slightly. He covers Alexander’s hand with his own un-scraped one, “I love you too.” Alexander smiles one of his brilliant smiles at Aaron for a moment, but Aaron continues, “I can’t promise it won’t happen again though, surely you must understand that.” 

Alexander’s smile dims, “If it comes up again, can you at least talk to me?” 

Aaron worries his lower lip with his teeth, “I can try.” 

Alexander doesn’t look totally satisfied, but he doesn’t pursue it. “I want to hear more about your superpowers later, but for now can I kiss you?” 

Aaron nods, and Alexander leans forward. It’s not a sexy kiss, it’s pure comfort, and after a moment Alexander pulls back and buries his head in the crook of Aaron’s neck, and Aaron pulls him as close as they can get. They sit there for awhile, just wrapped in each other, tight enough to feel the thud of each other’s hearts. 

#

Later, after they’ve managed to have dinner, Aaron stumbles through an explanation of why his super powers aren’t so super, why they’ve kept him from connecting with people, how little he can really do, and Alexander assures him that he’s done the best anyone could do with his options. Later still, they lay tangled together in bed, taking comfort from knowing the other is there, knowing they are alive and well. Alexander has Aaron’s unbruised hand in his own, and he says, “I know you still don’t believe that I’m not going anywhere, but I’m going to spend the rest of our lives proving it. Every vision you have is just going to be us, happy together.” 

Aaron doesn’t quite believe it, not really, but he’s willing to be convinced. He presses a kiss into Alexander’s shoulder, and says, “I’m looking forward to it.” 

Alexander turns slightly, and peers back at Aaron slightly suspicious, “Was that some sort of clairvoyance pun?” 

It wasn’t, but Aaron tries to play along, “You’ll have to wait and see how it unfolds.” 

Alexander relaxes back into the bed, “Oh my god, have you been saving these up your whole  _ life _ ? Is this  _ my  _ whole life now?”

“You’ll just have to see what the future holds.” 

Alexander is laughing, “This is terrible. I can’t believe I’ve signed on for another sixty years of this.” 

Aaron give in and laughs too, and with Alexander warm in his arms he can almost believe that this might be the next sixty years.

#

It’s just over two years later, a good two years. As Aaron comes back to himself after the vision he realizes he’s burrowed into Alexander’s arms, to ride out the worst of it, comforted as always by Alexander’s presence. Aaron pulls back, still a bit shaky, but reassures Alexander, “It’s okay, nothing to worry about.” 

Alexander studies Aaron for a moment and then relaxes, the worried line between his eyebrows smoothing out as he seems to accept the truth of what Aaron’s said. They stay loosely tangled together for another minute, Aaron’s breath slowly returning to normal, and the tension leaving them both. Then Alexander pushes away, handing Aaron his notebook and a pen before heading out of the bedroom. 

Aaron spends the next few minutes writing down everything he can think of, no urgency in his writing, but meticulous as ever. When he’s done, he takes the notebook and heads out to the living room, where Alexander is sitting on the couch. Alexander points to a plate with a sandwich sitting in front of Aaron’s usual spot, and Aaron flops gratefully down, handing Alexander the notebook, and picking up the sandwich. 

Aaron is ravenously hungry in the sudden absence of pain, and the relief of a vision without danger. He eats the sandwich, too fast to be polite, but he also watches as Alexander reads through the pages Aaron’s just written. Alexander’s face darts through a few expressions as he reads.

When he’s done reading, Aaron has already finished the sandwich and is gulping down a glass of water. Alexander turns to him, “I can’t believe you’re going to get to live through our wedding twice.” 

Aaron rolls his eyes, “It’s not quite- Anyway, you’ll have the, no doubt, terribly artistic photos that Lafayette is taking to help you relive it as many times as you want.”

Alexander smiles, “True.” 

Aaron smiles back, fond, “Anyway, now you can stop worrying about the details, apparently the universe has guaranteed that everything will be fine.”

“Also true,” says Alexander, “Unless, it was only going to be fine because I was stressing about the details, and now I’ll relax too much and change the future.” 

He’s still smiling, teasing Aaron, and Aaron just shakes his head and leans forward for a kiss. As far as Aaron is concerned the visions have given him one of the best gifts since they allowed him to save Alexander, a glimpse into a day that he never thought would come, but it’s Alexander’s easy acceptance, his care, and gentle jokes, that are the best gift of all. Whatever the future might hold, he has Alexander at his side, and that’s enough to tell Aaron that the days ahead are going to be bright. 


End file.
